Oh my. With just one glance, and 2 years has passed. Walao wei ~ Hehe
Till today I can’t believe that I’m actually a senior already. In denial. Feels so old. Graduation is soon to hit me. Heading to the battle field where I’ll be facing the cruelty of survival and the never ending manipulation. The word materialistic will soon rule my life when I start working. Sigh.
I’ve never thought I’ll be involved in other organization besides
Then I bumped into AIESEC, an organization that I dearly cherish now for the journey, the experience, the people, the spirit, the values and the list goes on. I still can’t believe how addicted I am towards AIESEC although there are many many much other motivated dedicated AIESEC-ers out there.
I discriminate. Used to back then. A lot! Well, I admit that I’m an accepting person but when it come to people who suffered from HIV/AIDS, no no! I feel disgusted with them. I used to think they should all just die and stop walking around with the virus on them.
But it was AIESEC that brought me further away from the stigma to discriminate them. I learn to understand them better. Slash off the stigma I used to have. I used to think HIV/AIDS can spread through talking face to face, swimming pool, physical touch, sharing food and toilets. Haha. How foolish I was back then. With thanks to AIESEC, I step out from out that state of mind. Hehe.
It was the involvement in HIV/AIDS 2006 project that made me realized that AIESEC could provide the various learning opportunity. AIESEC could make a difference (IMPACT the Alan style… hehe) in a person’s life although we aim to change the big community. Nevertheless, these people (although small number) could change other people’s life with their impactful experience/stories and the trend would go on lil by lil. 1 day, the whole community will change! Woot ~
Nevertheless, I was still thinking if I really want to stick to AIESEC. So to NLDS I went. To find my passion in AIESEC. The sense of belonging that I’m searching for. The click. It was an amazing experience though I was quite laid back. I observe others most of the time. Watching them voice their opinions from different perspective. Watching them have fun. Watching them lead the discussion and the group.
The decision to take up a position in EB back then was indecisive. I didn’t know if it was the best thing for me. Thinking back, although the 1st time EB experience was a bad experience, I really want to give my gratitude to them. These people have somehow make me stronger. They let me know…
How dangerous people could be
How fake some people could be
How drama some people could be and still pretend nothing’s wrong with them
The true meaning of bitch and slut
The lousy art of backstabbing cos people could see it obviously
How bodoh sombong people can be
How people can just simply throw responsibilities around like a ball
How people can just hide / run away when problems arise
How I can’t work individually
How some people think so highly about themselves BUT no results was shown and they can still go on and on about their smartness which is actually non-existent at the 1st place
How people can give so much ridiculous excuses
It was an eye-opener. Like I always believe, “everything happens for a reason.” This screwed up term (never once a team) was a learning experience. It taught me what to do and what not to do in future. I really want to thank them for the wonderful experience they gave. Seriously. Without them, I would still be the naïve and happy-go-lucky person that believes anyone or anything people says which is bad in the real world as I might get cheated all the time. Thank you for being your true self. You guys should spread your ‘wonderful-ness’ to other people so that they will get up too & realize the bad side of the world.
Then the decision to run 2nd time was a big hoo-ha for me cos it was totally unexpected for me. My initial plan was to be a super duper kepoh senior when I’m in 3rd year. Guess plans change according to situation. Maybe it’s the thing that I wanted others to experience the valuable learning opportunities that I had. I didn’t want it to die just there. So we fought for it to happen. And we were given a 2nd chance. Woot ~
But something happened in the middle of the fight. I was struck by the intention of leaving the EB. Maybe because I felt I didn’t do enough for the team. So I felt I didn’t deserve to be in the team. And the intention to resign has been lingering in my mind for a long long time. But I never told my team as it would just be another bang on their head as 3 EB’s to run the LC is stressful enough. With Vance quitting, it just make me more stressed up about what was running in my head and if I really want to do this to my team. It would be a bad bad thing and unfair. I had no one to talk to. Except one who knew about it. Thank you. You know who you are my dear. I’m not sure if my teamie noticed about my weird changes. I was not as hyped up compared to the previous term. I have to say I was burnt out. Pretty badly.
Then I took a long deep thought. Thinking back of the reason of the fight. To find back my passion. To find the spirit. But it didn’t work much. So I did what I could. To build the foundation in my Executives. Did as much FA work I could. I feel bad for not being honest with my teamie but some things are better of not told.
I like to keep my emotions to myself. Even if I want to break down, I would do it myself, alone. In the room. In the shower. Never showing others my sad feelings besides mum. I don’t like to share my sad side. Like Rubi always say, she knows there’s a lot running in my head, I am just not sharing. Haha. I am sorry but I really can’t kick out this bad habit. I feel safe without having to share them.
To my team, thanks for the great team experience for the past 1 term. Finally!! The team experience feeling!! Woot ~ Thanks for making it happen. It feels great to finally being able to work in a team team. Seriously if not for you guys, I would have erm… resign? Your high spirit and motivation has kept me going on till today. You two are my inspiration. Thank you for everything. I know I have not been performing up to expectations but it’s really hard when the R word is still lingering around me. I’m still finding the right Ridsect to kill it for good but it keeps coming back buzzing here and there annoyingly. I am looking forward to see-ing you two continue the AIESEC journey. *hint hint*
GO FOR IT!!
U two have my full support! Woot ~ !!
To the juniors/ babies/ kids/ gengsters (if u are reading this), you guys grow really really fast. Incredible speed le. Looks like we use the right fertilizer and right amount of water till u guys bloom so so well. (using Susy’ concept – u guys were seeds in the beginning; now, a well grown tree) I am very very proud of each of you. You guys will do well! I have faith of LC USM’s future! AMAN 2009 awards , we’ll be there to grab u. Mua hahahha !!
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The learning cycle never ends in AIESEC. It’s really up to us if we want to grab the opportunity and ready to learn from others, mistakes made and ourselves. We choose our path to live. We are what we are.
Thank you AIESEC. Thank you for the platform. Thank you for the learning opportunity. Thank you for the environment. I want more of it. I'll be back! I promise.
Errr... de word fertile here seems to sound like somting else instead... hahaha XD
ReplyDeleteBut u guys are reli 1 of a kind... rare species... reli proud of all of u... keep up de good job! Woo hoOO!!